A Harry Potter Post. Magical! (11/30/09)

The first installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows isn't dropping until November 19, 2010. Is it too soon to start talking about it? No? Good!

Based on the below Lego® trailer of Order of the Phoenix, I would like to suggest to Warner Brothers that they scrap whatever they're working on and do the final two movies all in Legos. The current cast can do the voices. Best Idea of All Time.




Speaking of Harry Potter, one of my friends just got back from LA, and while she was there, she got me a present from Grauman's Chinese Theatre! Look!

OMFG wand prints! Harry, Ron, and Hermione make an appearance at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in LA.

This is my favorite picture ever. I love Emma's pointy little shoes next to the boys' big bulky ones. Also, my friend is apparently Sherlock Holmes, and she pointed out that Rupert is totes wearing Converse! Love it!

Oliver Twist gone wrong, and more! (11/11/09)

Wednesday's news is all whap! bam! boom! in your face like whoa! Strap yourselves in, everyone. Very exciting stuff aujourd'hui.

Most important thing ever!
Um, did you guys know about A Very Potter Musical and NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT? If so, you're all assholes. If not, I forgive you.

Either way…the best kind of musical theater is self-aware musical theater!



There's more where that came from at StarKidPotter's YouTube channel. I know what I'll be watching this weekend!

My new favorite article of all time!
Step down, Oliver Twist. Faux-posh British ladies are rockin' the five-finger discount to maintain their pre-total-failure-of-the-global-economy standards of living. That chic, smelly cheese? They wants it. That flashy bracelet? They needs it, precious. They needs it.

"Oh, this plane? I just picked it up at Marks & Spencer. Stuck it right in my purse. Those cashiers, they never notice anything."

I know I should find this all very distasteful, a sign of modern society's crushing dependence on material things and overwhelming sense of entitlement, blah blah et cetera and so on. But really, I just think it's awesome. What a beautiful mental image I have right now. La.

Totally unfounded gossip!
You know that whole foiled plan to bomb the New York subway system? (Did you know that freaking 1 million people pass through Grand Central every day? I did not need to know that. But now I do. As do you. Sorry.)

Well, good old Scotland Yard tipped the FBI off on that! Thanks ever so much, British spies. Much appreciated. Of course, this information is obviously being released just now as a promotional ploy for the new Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Downey Jr. and landing in theaters on December 25.

Rumor = STARTED

Dumb movie adaptations!
Speaking of Sherlock Holmes, though, does anyone else think this nonsense looks like a travesty? If they would simply call it something else, instead of pretending that Sherlock Holmes would ever actually get into fisticuffs with anyone, I would absolutely be backing this thing. But Holmes is very, very English. And not in a James Bond-y, action-adventure sort of way.

Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes. Whatever you say, Warner Brothers.

I can't embed the trailer, because apparently the Warner Brothers marketers have forgotten how to work the Interwebz, but you can watch it here.

Back at the castle!
In closing for you on this lovely Wednesday, a little something from Professor McGonagall:

10 Points to Gryffindor!

Have I mentioned how much I lurve I Can Has Cheezburger? 'Cause I lurve it thiiiiiiiis much! Mwah!

Now scram! You have A Very Potter Musical to watch!

Ballet Shoes, plus a John Oliver refill (10/19/09)

Let's get right to it, chickens, shall we?

First up: Emma Watson is a good actress!

I'm so excited! I've always loved her Hermione from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, but in every movie since, she's seemed less Hermione-like to me, and I was worried that was a result of incompetence. But inSTEAD, it's just that her Hermione is not the one in my head! So it was a relief to like her so, so much when I watched Ballet Shoes last night, because I do hate to think anything negative about anyone associated with my man Harry Potter.



Things I loved about Ballet Shoes:

1. I was sort of expecting it to be terrible, but instead, it was awesome. (What? That totally belongs on the pro list. Everybody loves a nice surprise.)


2. The majority of the characters are kick-ass women with distinct, non-stereotypical personalities.


3. The two retired schoolteachers are fab. Also, they are deffo lesbians, though it's never stated, and no one even blinks an eye about it.


4. Two of the three girls around whom the movie revolves can be pretty bratty. That makes me want to hit them less than when children in movies are vomitously saccharine. (Have I ever mentioned how much I hate stupid David Copperfield and all of his stupid perfect virtue?)


5. Emma Watson's character, Pauline, is an aspiring actress, and it's the 1930s. Result: Cool 1930s acting scenes!


6. Petrova, played by gorgeous Yasmin Paige, wants to be an aviator! Also, Paige apparently plays a recurring character in The Sarah Jane Adventures, a Doctor Who spin-off that I've never heard of but obviously need to watch post-haste.

Yasmin Paige, Lucy Boynton, and Emma Watson in Ballet Shoes.

Of course, there are a few cons, as well.

1. The ending is Very Very Happy, which begs disbelief and weakens the story. And yet...who am I kidding? I kind of loved the obnoxiously happy ending.


2. It may not technically be the best movie ever, and was a bit touch-and-go throughout. But I don't care, and I liked it ever so much anyway.


3. It's based on a book! So, yay, I can read it now! Not having read Noel Streatfeild's books (apparently there is a Shoes series - Tennis Shoes! Skating Shoes! Party Shoes!), I could not be offended by the adaptation. Ergo, this is a "con-yet-to-come." Because just you wait until I've read the book. Then I'll be all, "That scene should have happened later! This character was missing completely! Hermione is supposed to have bushy hair!"...oh, heh heh. Oops. Wrong book.

And now, the return of John Oliver!

I got to see Oliver at The Daily Show two weeks ago, and last week, I followed that up by seeing his live stand-up show with my roommate down at 92Y Tribeca! For wicked cheap! In the third row!

This is not a picture of John Oliver from when I saw him last week. But it IS a picture of John Oliver.

Vital John Oliver information:

1. His stand-up is hilarious. And he does not rely on the toilet- and frat-boy humor that so many dude comedians do. [8 points]


2. He is not amused by taxation without representation. He has been here for three years, damn it, and if we do not let him vote, he is going to dump Diet Pepsi into Boston Harbor and see how we like it. [6 points for empathizing with the Patriots; -4 points for thinking Diet Pepsi is Americans' drink of choice. Team Coca-Cola!!!]


3. He pronounces "Git 'er done!" as "Get her done," complete with crisp enunciation. [8 points for being Extremely English]


4. You know the BBC America subtitle campaign? The one with bits like "The following program contains accents you would have heard a lot more if you hadn't thrown our tea into Boston Harbor"? He WROTE that! It's my favorite ad of all time! [10 points]


5. The Suicide Girls interview with John Oliver from which I culled the above tidbit is most excellent. [4 points]


6. He has a little bit of a man belly. It's kind of adorbs. [4 points]


Total: 36 points (I'm not sure what these points have earned you, John Oliver, but feel free to contact me if you would like to redeem them. I may not be able to arrange citizenship, but I could perhaps offer you a Diet Pepsi?)

This is also a picture of John Oliver. Awww, dimples!

Moving on to News in Brief:

• Pink Stinks is a wicked awesome UK campaign promoting real role models for girls and shunning the "culture of pink" that locks boys and girls into predetermined gender roles. Holla. (Hat tip to The F-Word. Also, disclaimer: I totally lurve pink. Not as much as purple, though.)


• Check out Bristol artist Richard Box, whose field of fluorescent tubes powered by the power lines overhead is beautiful and trippy.


• The HP Alliance, which furthers Dumbledore's message of fighting evil and being awesome and magical, is throwing a Wrock 4 Equality concert featuring Harry and the Potters and Draco and the Malfoys in Portland, Maine, this Saturday, October 24. You can join in the fun via the Wrock 4 Equality livestream at 10:30 a.m. (Hey. Equality for the LGBT community is worth rolling your lazy arse out of bed early on a Saturday and clicking a button on your computer.)

And...my work here is done. Run along now! Pip pip!

Robin Hood Roundup, Part 3: Gilbert! (10/2/09)

Okay, so in Celebrity Death Match: The Robin Hood Edition, Henry Gilbert's Robin Hood would snap Howard Pyle's Robin Hood in half, and then turn him inside out. He would do other stuff, too, but I'd rather not talk about it, because, frankly, it would upset my delicate sensibilities. (Um. Scary Movie gave me nightmares.)


What I'm trying to say is that, unlike Pyle's The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood, which I talk about and insult here, Gilbert's Robin Hood is less of a douchey walk in the park for a questionably principled, unerringly merry, lusty, and stout outlaw, and more of a thoughtful account of my fave hero's life and deeds.

The writing is actually very good, apart from Robin's revolting habit of ALWAYS addressing Marian as "sweetheart" and "darling" and "dear" (vomit), and there are lots of beautiful little moments of character renderings and woodland descriptions.

Incidentally, have you ever noticed that writers who romanticize laudable Mother Nature consistently fail to mention her glaring flaws? Mosquitos, for example. Nasty, festering piles of animal dung. Ticks and chiggers and angry bears. All those other things that go hand in hand with all that poisonous fresh air and overweening greenery. Blech.

Nature is gross. Even if it is Sherwood Forest.

Anyway. The members of Robin's band, though not exactly given distinct personalities, are well-rounded when they come to the forefront. Also, Gilbert adorably writes in the preface that he has expanded upon the manners and customs of the times, to give readers a fuller picture of what people believed (magic! trolls!) and how they lived (villeins! poverty!).

And I saved the best for last: Unbeknownst to Robin, Marian sneaks into the forest to learn how to be a sword-fighting, bow-slinging badass. (What, what, 1912!! Represent for the ladies!)

Lucy Griffiths = heiress to Gilbert's ballsy Marian.

Also, if you luv Robin Hood, and you need something to entertain you at work, you can read Gilbert's version online.

P.S. I just came across an unfortunate "movie" called Virgins of Sherwood Forest when searching Google for images of Sherwood Forest. Heads up: I will NOT be reviewing that for you. Sorry.

Bright Star: Just say yes… (9/28/09)

…to saying no. It's hawter that way.


When I saw the trailer for Bright Star, the Regency piece about John Keats and Fanny Brawne, I thought it looked like the sort of movie I ought to watch, especially as I now have Anglotastic as an excuse for such behavior as obsessively watching period dramas.



But when I saw this on the homepage of the New York Times two Fridays ago, I knew it was the sort of movie I HAD to watch, because Hot English Chastity is totally my bag.

The New York Times reps for Bright Star.

I would like to write a long, lovely post about how gorgeous the movie was; how perfect every moment; how fabulous Fanny's fashion-designing, fierce independence; how hilarious the constant presence of Fanny's totally adorbs brother and sister; how much I sobbed at the end.

Abbie Cornish as Fanny Brawne with Ben Whishaw as John Keats in Sexual Tension: The Movie.

But it was just too beautiful for words, and I can't. I can say—and it pains me to write this, truly it does—that there is a possibility that it is as good as, or even better than, Pride & Prejudice '95.

*ducks behind shield so as to avoid readers' barrage of angry arrows*

I can also say that the verily pornographic sequence that accompanied the opening credits—extreme close-up shots of a needle making its way back and forth through a piece of fabric—was brilliant and hilarious.

Fanny and Keats with the fam. Little redheaded girl = cutest kid ever.

Oh, and I have not yet mentioned the Hot English Chastity? No? In that case, let's talk about sex(ual tension).

In brief, sexual tension is totally underrated. But in Bright Star, we never see Keats and Fanny Do It. Not even that Gone With the Wind morning-after smile. And that is fabulous, 'cause there's nothing more ovary-melting than oodles of anticipation.

YA novels are the best place for it. In possibly my fave homage to the beauty of Not Doing It, the heroine in Wendy Lichtman's Do the Math: Secrets, Lies, and Algebra compares sexual tension to an asymptote: a curve that moves closer and closer to another curve.

For infinity.

Without.

Ever.

Touching.

I know, right? And then there's this, from Sarah Ockler's Twenty Boy Summer:

When I take his iPod to scroll through his songs, Sam puts his arm around me, strong and protective and tan and a little banged up. The heat from his skin seeps into my shoulders, and I am so suddenly alive that if I don't kiss him right this second, we will both burst into flames and die.

Hahaha! I love it.

And THAT is why Britty period dramas like Bright Star, Pride and Prejudice, and North and South (featuring the single hottest hand-holding moment of all time) are so rad. Not Doing It is the new Doing It. (Can I get an amen from Sting?)

In Bright Star, Keats does not Do It.

Ummm. I think I maybe need to go visit Richard Armitage circa 1850 now.

The Young Victoria!!! (9/27/09)

You guys! There is a movie about Queen Victoria! Starring the fabulous Emily Blunt! It dropped in March in the UK, but it isn't coming to us Yanks until December. Lame! How can I possibly wait that long? Check the trailer. Be delighted. Squeal excitedly. (Unless you are at work. Then squeal quietly to yourself.)



OMGz awesome, right? I can't wait!

P.S. This is Friday's blog post, but I have been developing my time traveling techniques, and there have been some resultant blips in the time-space-reality continuum. I will be a Time Lord yet.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost make funny films (9/21/09)

Hey, you guys, have we ever talked about how awesome Spaced is? No? Well, let's do.

Spaced is awesome! Are you, or have you ever been, or will you ever be, a marginally employed twenty-something, slightly to the left of nerdy, who has creative aspirations in the way of drawing comic books or writing articles for magazines with a circulation greater than 1,000?

Jessica Hynes and Simon Pegg as my heroes Daisy and Tim in Spaced.

Yes? Then you should totes check out Simon Pegg (whose Tim Biswell may or may not be my ideal, if geeky and immature, man) and Jessica Hynes nee Stevenson (whose Daisy is my person) and their ragtag bunch of freaky friends. Espesh if you dig endless references to all things comic, nerd, and horror. (Watch the DVDs with the pop culture subtitles if you really want to be in the know. Best bit: the subtitles in later eps reference earlier moments in the series. Brills.)

They are creeps. They are weirdos. You will love it.

What brought on this paean to a 10-year-old Britcom with a weakness for the faux-macabre? Hot Fuzz, that's what! I watched Simon Pegg and Nick Frost be ridiculous and wonderful as austere and bumbling police officers (respectively, that is; not simultaneously austere and bumbling) with my roomie last night, and it was excellent. And unnecessarily weird. Also, be warned: There's a fair amount of squirting blood. So that was gross.

OMG Nick Frost and Simon Pegg bromance! Adorbs!

It resulted in kind of a cool nightmare, though: Simon Pegg. Nick Frost. A horse with the (very large) head of a parakeet. A parakeet who enjoyed spitting thick funnels of water at people. (Yes, I woke up in the middle of the night and checked my room for aggressive, water-loving creatures.) *shudder*

I dreamed about a horse-parakeet. This is a lion-parakeet. But you get the idea.

Rly quick Robin Hood update, my peeps: Robbie will be appearing in the Ridley Scott incarnation of his life May 14, 2010, and I've seen conflicting reports re: the sheriff. Will Russell Crowe be appearing as both Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham, Eddie Murphy-style, or will Matthew Macfadyen (aka Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice 2005, aka gent-who-isn't-nearly-as-fabulous-as-Colin-Firth-thank-you-very-much) be donning the persona of evil?

Will Russell Crowe take the "worst Robin Hood" title from Kevin Costner? Should we start a pool?

Also, sad note: The cast list over at IMDB makes no mention of Sir Guy of Gisbourne, which means no leering appearances by Richard Armitage (or Richard Armitage wannabes, even). Shame.

Richard Armitage's Sir Guy of Gisbourne: NOT a nice man. (Hot, though. In a dirty, angry way.)

In grocer news, supermarket chain Tesco is a bigoted, anti-Jedi organization. (Hat tip to runwithskizzors.) Jediism founder Daniel Jones was told he must remove his hood or leave the north Wales store. The chain's defense: Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda, and Luke Skywalker all appear in public sans hood. And furthermore, "If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers."

Jediism: Use the Force, Luke...to find deals on aisle 2.

Love. It.

Next Stop: Hogwarts!!! (9/18/09)

I just wanted y'all to know that an "earth-like planet" has been discovered somewhere outside our solar system. Until I am informed otherwise, I'm going to assume that we'll be meeting the Time Lords who live there sometime soon. Here's hoping I'll land Christopher Eccleston circa when-he-was-young-enough-for-it-not-to-be-creepy.

David Tennant has totes grown on me. But I still miss Christopher Eccleston's Doctor Who.

In other news, Emma Watson is a big ol' sucker for your average Hollywood megastar career path: Be in films. Become the face of a major ad campaign (Burberry in this instance), which for some reason is no longer considered selling out. Launch a clothing line for which you are the "creative advisor." Ring around the rosy and do it again. But Emma's line with People Tree is all adorable and idealistic, so I'mma let it slide.

Emma Watson's Burberry trench here is actually kind of hawt.

While we're discussing things tangentially related to Harry Potter, I assume you've all heard by now that the Harry Potter theme park that Universal has been wand-teasing us with for AGES has finally (almost!) come to fruition. It's set to open in spring 2010. And you should really check out Universal's site for it; this shizz looks effing amazing. So Filmi Girl, please contact me immediately to make travel arrangements. I think we should just go by Floo Powder, but perhaps you would prefer to arrange a Portkey?

Holy effing cow, Universal's Wizarding World of Harry Potter is going to be BEYOND. STELLAR.

That's all I have time for today, kiddies. But have spectacular weekends, and I will see you on Monday. (That's right, Garfield! I said MONDAY!)

Gurinder Chadha and Merlin. Alakazam! (9/16/09)

Okay, so I've been holding out on you guys on my zoo trip. And now I'm going to share, and you're going to be jealous at first (well, Filmi Girl will, anyway), but then you're going to pity me, because I am a big wussy wuss wuss.

The Scene:
A sunny day in the Central Park Zoo.

The Cast:
Me and my pops. Sea lions doing tricks and tamarin monkeys being adorbs and cuddly red pandas chillaxing in trees. (Oh, yes—and one other person.)

Holy adorable red panda scoping out her audience of ardent admirers!

Holy adorable red panda gazing at her panda pal, who's chillin' in the grass below her. OMGz I want to snuggle her!

The Story:
I'm a wimpy douche.

The Long Version:
I was looking at pandas, and I noticed a very familiar-looking woman standing next to me. She looked an awful lot like Gurinder Chadha, in fact. And I dithered and wimbled, and she had a conversation with her husband and children, and they decided to leave the zoo.

After she left, of course, I decided that it was absolutely, unquestionably her. And I didn't have the ovaries to just tell her that Bend It Like Beckham and Bride and Prejudice are two of the most fabulous movies ever. (Emphasis on Bend It Like Beckham, as per usual.) Or that I'm wicked psyched about It's a Wonderful Afterlife.

Yeah. It was definitely Gurinder Chadha and her hubby. I suck.

Sad! But even though I totally pussed out, it's okay. 'Cause I got to see this guy rockin' his backstroke:

The polar bear swim meet is fast approaching. Work those pecs, buddy!

In non-stalker news, the Daily Mail ran an article several centuries ago (well, in January of this year...so perhaps just several decades ago) on the "end of the hourglass [figure, not timepiece]." It's...kind of a weird article. You should check it out.

You should ALSO check out Merlin. I've never heard of it before, but it seems it's been picked up in the US (did everyone know this but me?), and this blog post about it at the Guardian is hilarious. (Thank you, blogger, for calling the eleventh Doctor Who "a funny-looking teenager dressed as a history professor." I will love you forever for that.) Guilty pleasure, here I come!

Rupert Grint in movies! (8/25/09)

How was I not aware that Rupert Grint was in a 2002 movie called Thunderpants?!



I've only seen the trailer, but Rupert's such a fab actor, even as a wee lad—and if you haven't seen him in Driving Lessons, you really need to. It is HI-larious, and he and Julie Walters (aka Mrs. Weasley!) are really exceptional together.

Brideshead Revisited Gets Down (8/20/09)

Last summer, The Dark Knight hit the theaters, and everyone in the land rushed to see it, myself included. As I sat in the cool, dark theater, where nearly every row was full and popcorn and Junior Mints rustled softly under cover of onscreen explosions, my thoughts ran along these lines:

Wow. This really is exceptionally good. Most impressive. I do like Gary Oldman very much. And Christian Bale is unquestionably the best of all the Batmans. For that matter, Batman is my favorite superhero. No superpowers. Just gigantic balls of steel. So yeah, this is really good. And yet...I don't know why, but god, I'm bored. I wish I'd gone to see Brideshead Revisited instead.

Christian Bale is almost as fabulous in The Dark Knight as he was in Newsies. And yet, I don't feel a thing.

I never did see Brideshead Revisited, because I wanted to read it first, which I still haven't gotten around to doing. But my interest in giving myself a kick in the pants and getting on with it has been revived by this excellent Times of London article, descriptively titled "Sex scandal behind Brideshead Revisited."

Michael Gambon plays a dirty old man in Brideshead Revisited. Oh, Dumbledore, what are you doing?!

Per the Times article, the real-life players Evelyn Waugh's novel is based on engage in some gettin' your freak on worthy of any modern European political sex scandal, is all I'm sayin'.

It's a Wonderful Afterlife! (8/18/09)

Attention, lovers of all things rad! The über-awesome Gurinder Chadha has a new film slated for production!

Attention, lovers of all things macabre! Said film is called It's a Wonderful Afterlife!

It seems as though that title would go with a movie about zombies, but the write-up over at IMDB indicates that it is, in fact, about serial killing. Deets are a bit fuzzy, as this sucker is pretty much still in utero. (Hat-tip to Filmi Girl!)

For the uninitiated, Gurinder Chadha is the genius behind Britty films Bend It Like Beckham and Bride & Prejudice, and if you haven't seen these, you should, because they are full of joy and fabulousness.

Gurinder Chadha...makes a mean aloo gobi?

First off, Beckham is one of my all-time faves—it scores points for hilarious family members, "strong, quirky female characters" (as my Netflix account would say), the Irish accent of one Jonathan Rhys Meyers (pre-Tudors), and up-and-up treatment of racial issues. Mostly, though, it just makes me laugh.



But to the point: Bride & Prejudice, a faux-Bollywood interpretation of the inimitable Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, is wholly responsible for my chronic Anglophilia.

Allow me to explain, but bear in mind that what I'm about to say may shock you, so hold on to your bonnets:

I absolutely abhorred Pride and Prejudice the first time I read it.

Oh, yes, children, this is shocking indeed. But, alas, it is the truth. I was simply unable understand why all the characters spent their time sewing, hunting, dancing, and being, on the whole, entirely unproductive, save for burning copious quantities of oxygen with an endless flow of gossip and speculation.

But Bride & Prejudice showed me the light: P&P isn't about productivity, and it doesn't matter how Lizzie & Co. while away the days. This isn't Charles Dickens, after all. No, it's about the endearing (and loathsome) foibles of human character. And I am a big ol' sucker for the foibles of human character. (See: every book, movie, or TV show I ever write about.)



So Bride & Prejudice (best lyric: "I just want a man who gives some back/Who talks to me and not my rack") led me back to Pride and Prejudice, which led me to the 1995 BBC mini of the same, which led me to an infatuation with the BBC, and thereby all things British. And when my borderline-psychotic obsession could no longer contain itself, I started writing about it on the Internets, and that's where y'all come in.

Moral of story: Gurinder Chadha is awesome! And I can't wait to see what she makes of serial killers.

Merchant of Venice. Al Pacino. Gut-wrenching. (8/12/09)

Okay. We need to talk.

This isn't about us, readers—I mean to say, this isn't a relationship issue. Actually, I think things have been going pretty well between us thus far.

But you need to know something about me before we take this any further.

I kind of don't exactly like Shakespeare all that much.

*hunkers down in shame*

I know that it is illegal in all fifty states and also Puerto Rico for an alleged lover of all things literary to feel this way, but I don't know what to do about it. There's some Shakespeare that I like; there is some that I love, even. (Hello, Cleopatra! Could you BE more of a ball-ripping badass?) But there tends to be an overwhelming expectation that the audience will be willing to suspend its disbelief.

I don't, on the whole, really go in for suspension of disbelief. And, on a closely related topic, all of the Bard's love-at-first-sight bullshizz makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Occasionally, however, I absolutely go to pieces over something Shakespearean, and the 2004 Merchant of Venice is the big winner this time around.

Allow me to introduce you: Jeremy Irons is Antonio, the anti-Semitic merchant. Al Pacino is Shylock, the moneylending Jew. The beautiful Joseph Fiennes is the lovestruck Bassanio, and Kris Marshall (Colin from Love, Actually, y'all—the "American girls would really dig me with my cute British accent" guy) provides comic relief as Gratiano.

Kris Marshall as Gratiano with Charlie Cox as Lorenzo

Then-newbie Lynn Collins, who has since made appearances in True Blood and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, turns out an excellent Portia (and gives a cool interview about the experience here), and the gorgeous Zuleikha Robinson (whom you may recognize from Lost) is willful Jessica. And canals abound.

Lynn Collins as Portia

The play revolves around a hideous anti-Semitism, but the movie is beautiful, so it's like watching a really gruesome, truly gorgeous train wreck. Obviously, the entire premise is utterly offensive to modern sensibilities, and I don't know what Shakespeare's angle was when he wrote it in the 1590s, though I suspect his sympathies were not in line with my own.

Jeremy Irons as Antonio

But this interpretation of it is superbly executed. The indignity of the treatment Shylock suffers at the hands of Antonio—Shylock's unflinching desire for revenge, so heartlessly sought but rooted in such oppression—the sympathetic portrayal of Shylock's ultimate fate—all are heartbreaking. And when Jessica leaves—!

Zuleikha Robinson as Jessica

I've never seen Pacino in anything before. He's been in all sorts of things I'm supposed to have seen, I think, but I almost always pick comedies over dramas. All I know is that he is AMAZING in Merchant. I would say all of my sympathies lay with Shylock were all of the characters not given such depth; I feel for all of them.

Al Pacino as Shylock

Also noteworthy is the relationship between Antonio and Bassanio; Antonio is obviously in love with his friend, a sentiment that seems to be written into the play and is not merely a product of this interpretation. Their relationship is handled with finesse and really humanizes Antonio.

Joseph Fiennes as Bassanio

I definitely recommend watching this, however you feel about Shakespeare. But be prepared: You'll be dwelling on it for some time afterward. And your musings may not be pleasant.

The Cat's on the Bus and the Dark is Rising. (8/1/09)

Okay, y'all, Saturday cuteness: Darling Devon kitty takes regular advantage of public transportation. Even more darling bus drivers take care of kitty en route. You must watch this video; it's adorable. (Hat-tip to V!)

Casper takes the bus. Awwww!

Less cute: Did you know that the Times of London has a dating site? Does that seem odd to you? I don't believe the New York Times does this. NYT does, however, print things like this at the bottom of movie reviews: “Funny People” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). Penis, penis, penis!

Um. Weird. Anyway...

In political news, I was unaware of the existence of Irish Travellers (whom we Yanks might refer to as Gypsies), and I am flabbergasted. Proper Gypsies (of the Roma tribe) are still in the UK as well. I suspect there is less fortune-telling and more dealing with limited means than our fairy tales might have us believe, but still. No one hangs on to tradition like the British.

On a closely related topic, I was also unaware of the alleged curse of the Wandering Jew—but maybe the exceptional Susan Cooper WAS aware of said Wanderer, and maybe he appeared in the The Dark Is Rising as the Walker.


If you haven't read The Dark is Rising series, you really, really should. Cooper wrote it in the '60s and '70s, and certain things about it may ring familiar: Will, the unassuming English boy who comes into his magical own on the dawn of his eleventh birthday. Merriman, the powerful magician who must sacrifice the one for the many. The ultimate battle of good versus evil, waged on a grand scale. But the similarities end there. Cooper's relatively somber five books possess a L'Engle-esque cast of characters, different books following different groups of people who are tied together in one way or another. There is a holiday in a heavily superstitious town; there is a long visit to a cheerful family in the painfully gorgeous Welsh countryside; even Arthurian legend is looped into the fold of Cooper's tales. (Though no one ever says, "Merlin's pants!" Which is a shame, really.)

I read these when I was eleven, just like Will, and I used to wander down a path through the woods behind my house, pretending it was the Old Ones' Way and that I was Seeking the six signs. Because I wasn't a dork at all.

If you are a sucker for ultimate battles between good and evil (and I know you are, you Lord of the Rings–loving, Star Wars–watching, Harry Potter–devouring nuts), read these books. They're short-ish; you can knock them out in a few weeks. And book four, The Grey King, won a Newbery medal. So you KNOW it's fab. But for the love of all that is holy, avoid the offensively reworked film version, 2007's The Seeker. (I'm not providing a link for that. Sully your own computer, if you must, but I won't do it.)

Confessions of an Anglophile... (7/26/09)

Y'all. This is my confession: Confessions of a Shopaholic is actually kind of a rad book.


I know, right? I assumed it was going to be painfully superficial and packed to the brim with nonsensical discussions of designer brands, but not so! It's actually extremely well-written and engaging, protagonist Becky is utterly likable, and the story includes a filthy rich, delightfully odd Scotsman; a Hottie McHott City bloke; and quite a few awkwardly realistic letters from various banks and credit card companies that inspired me to institute a more firm-handed bill-paying schedule. (Just because I'm a space cadet doesn't mean I should pay late fees, y'all.)

But the best bit is that it's a really honest look at a young woman's (almost always hideously slash hilariously embarrassing) battle with her emotional crutch, which, for Becky, is shopping.

For Dawn French and me, on the other hand, it's Terry's Chocolate Orange:



No word yet on whether the rest of the series is any good, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and I will def let you know. Also no word on whether the stupid Americanized movie—which conflates Confessions with Shopaholic Takes Manhattan—is worthwhile. But I DO know that my local Irish grocer is stocked up on Terry's Chocolate Orange, so that's something!

Robin Hood Roundup, Part 1: Timeline! (7/24/09)

Okay, so I don't know if y'all have cottoned on to this, but I am, like, a huge dork. I'm a dorkodactyl, in fact.

Dorkodactyl!

Proof positive: Last night, I watched the History Channel's History's Mysteries: The True Story of Robin Hood…and I already knew about half of what they told me. Presaging the History Channel is not a great sign.

History of the Hood

But now I am even more informed! Lucky you! And as I promised, I'll be giving y'all the lowdown on my Robin Hood–related activites. So here's the brief rundown of Robin Hood as we know him, right up through 2010.

1190–1290 (ish): Various dudes may or may not have been the actual Robin Hood. Contenders include Robert Hod, Robert Hood, and William Robehod (fugitive, 1261); our Robin may be an amalgamation of these gents, among others. But they weren't gents. They were thieving gits.

Zazzle reps for William Robehod with this tee.

1200s–1300s: Robin Hood ballads make the rounds of Merry Olde England. Our boy Robbie fights with the Sheriff of Nottingham, kills the king's deer, and chillaxes with Lil' John. He rocks a bow and arrow, he steals stuff, he's rash, and he picks fights with everyone he meets. Not so much with the whole VolunteerMatch biznass, this one.

Nottingham's 1949 nod to Robin Hood

1377: Robin first appears in print, in the poem Piers Plowman. Piers cops to knowing RH ballads better than the Lord's Prayer. (Oh, no he didn't! That sumbitch is going to HELL!)


1500s: Maid Marian makes her first appearance. Finally. Old Rob, who used to be a poor-ass, thieving yeoman, becomes the dispossessed Robin of Locksley, Earl of Huntingdon. Now that he's a rebel with a cause, he becomes all idealistic and warm and fuzzy and starts stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, just like President Obama wants to do. (And just as it should be, thanks.)

1600s–1800s: Robin makes regular appearances in children's stories, adults' stories, songs, plays, games of Catch Phrase, etc.

1900s: Errol Flynn, Douglas Fairbanks, the Costner idiot, Cary Elwes, and Michael Praed, among others, don that jaunty green cap. But eff them. The point is, Marian is consistently portrayed as bitchy and awesome—she's mouthy even when she's relegated to damsel in distress.

1988: Robin McKinley writes the grim Outlaws of Sherwood. Marian is the best archer of the bunch. Robin, unlike most Robins, is compassionate and anxious, rather than cocky and mocking. I LOVE this book.

Lucy Griffiths as Maid Marian. She will eff you up.

2006: The History Channel hires a man with hair that bears a suspicious resemblance to a mullet to chart historians charting Robin Hood. Apparently, Barnsdale (in Yorkshire) and Nottingham (in Nottinghamshire) have been arguing fiercely for a REALLY long time over where Robin Hood was actually from.

2006–2009: Jonas Armstrong rocks Robin for the BBC's latest (and now-defunct) Hood offering. Richard Armitage delivers consistently creepy performances as Guy of Gisborne. Lucy Griffiths is a fabulously dressed, completely anachronistic, totally ballsy Marian.

Jonas Armstrong: the hipster Robin Hood

2010: Russell Crowe will be wearing the quiver in Ridley Scott's update. Cate Blanchett will be Marian. This could be awesome. It could also be terrible. Stay tuned! (For kind of a longish time. See you in 2010, guys!)

Russell Crowe as the next Hood

Nebulous date in future: Nottingham totally has an awesome-looking Robin Hood Festival every year, and I HAVE to go. The vendors make real longbows! Real medieval coins! Real arrows! (Dudes. Medieval arrows could pierce modern bulletproof glass. That. Is. WICKED.)

Cary Elwes and a sheaf of bulletproof glass–breakers.

Mayhap I will see you there.