Result: I ditched that plan. Instead, let’s just jump right in with some recent-ish news items, both to be filed under this rather broad category: “Brits Are Weird.”
Item 1: Beefeaters
The Yeomen Warders of Her Majesty's Royal Palace and Fortress the Tower of London, aka the Beefeaters (because they enjoy cow?), est. 1485, have only had the opportunity to enjoy the company of a lady beefeater (one Moira Cameron) since 2007. The Beefeaters guard the prisoners at the Tower of London, which is to say that they are currently glorified tour guides. New (hypothetical) Beefeater costumes (for display only) are on show at Design Museum London in the new Super Contemporary exhibit.

Item 2: Bunnies
Also in the offing at the Design Museum are Paul Smith’s custom rubbish bin rabbits, whose ears flash when trash is dropped in them. There are working models in Covent Garden and Holland Park. This is an attempt to encourage litterbug Londoners to avail themselves of the bins—I can’t decide whether it’s puerile or brilliant, but either way, you have to admit that they’re adorable:

Also, Paul Smith keeps an actual, regularly updated blog on his site! Visit it here.
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