Nude Nerds and Other News (11/18/09)

Today is Wednesday, people. The TARDIS and I did, indeed, get whirled away in a bit of a time warp on the way back from Georgia. Result: We dropped in on the Pleistocene age, and we also visited the Robotitor age.

Any time spent in the TARDIS is time well spent.

It was very exciting, but we're glad to be back in 2009. So on to the news!

Wish List Time
Guess what I would like for Christmas, Readerville!

Your hint is that it is not any of the following items:

• A bottomless teapot of Indian chai from Alice's Tea Cup


• A working model of Hogwarts, complete with real miniature witches and wizards


• Richard Armitage wrapped in a bow

Richard Armitage seems mildly displeased that he has been sent to the States as a Christmas present.

Not that all of those things wouldn't be totally effing awesome, of course. If you can acquire any of them for me, I will be eternally grateful.

But no, for Christmas this year, I would like the Nude London Tech calendar: a bunch of Internet start-up geniuses, nekkid (plus strategically placed laptops and computer cables). And it's for charity! I'm such a giver.

Who doesn't need a calendar full of naked nerds? Why has this been such a long time in coming?

Listen to "The Bugle." For realz.
I know I already told you to listen to John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman wallow in ridiculousness in their weekly Times online podcast, "The Bugle." But I'm telling you again! I've been listening to a backlog of episodes, and I lurve it. Possible side effect of listening to it too often: Your own mental narration may take on the voices of Oliver and Zaltzman. This is disturbing, of course, but it can be remedied by listening to some hawt, popalicious Billie Piper, which is, mysteriously, always my post-"Bugle" craving. (Don't judge me. You know you love it.) I recommend "Because We Want To" for your listening pleasure.

Not a listening pleasure: Andy Zaltzman's bugle to the ear. Might I tempt you with some Billie Piper, Mr. Oliver?

Food for thought: In 1793, the Times of London reported that the French people had beheaded Marie Antoinette (you can see the actual article here). In 2009, the Times of London online produced a podcast in which John Oliver stated that Janet Napolitano, United States Secretary of Homeland Security, called him a goatf**ker backstage at The Daily Show (that would be "The Bugle" Episode 93, for those of you who think I am making this up).

Yeah, that's right. Marie Antoinette and "The Bugle" appear in the same publication. Makes perfect sense.

I'll permit your mind to finish melting before I continue.

Are you okay now? Good. Moving right along…

Anglotastic lurves fun accents, variant spellings, and novel dialects
And that, dear readers, is why I enjoyed this blog post from Smitten by Britain so very much.

On a side note, did you know that Noah Webster was remarkably anti-British and hell-bent on converting the English language into a veritable cornucopia of phoneticism? Well, it's true. And I blame him, quite justly, for shuffling all our spellings around and making it so difficult for a copyeditor to reasonably transition from one country to the other. *makes rude hand gesture in Noah Webster's general direction*

Real-life Michael Scott
Please don't throw paper products at me (I can't man up to the paper cuts), but I prefer the American Office to the British Office. Whichever version you favor, though, you'd hate to think there was an actual boss who circulated blatantly offensive jokes, was called out for it, and responded like so: "It shows I found a joke funny and circulated it to the rest of the team. I didn't think there was any question of appropriateness at all. It's an amusing joke, the team were all adults."

Mark Lowe described Nomos Capital executive Jordan Wimmer as a "dumb blond" and "decorative." WOW.

Tragically, Mark Lowe is real, and he is alive and well. And, presumably, has a hilarious e-mail that he's getting ready to forward at this very moment. It's about your mom.

Aasif Mandvi Slant-Rhymes with Zombie (11/9/09)

Hey, Anglophiles! What's shakin'? Are you ready to take another Monday by storm? (By "take another Monday by storm," I mean play games on iGoogle, wander about your offices aimlessly, and generally be hideously unproductive as you pine for the weekend that was. Obviously.)

As for me, my weekend-that-was totally rocked for the following blog-related reasons:

1. I found out that The Daily Show's Aasif Mandvi used to live in the UK! This is fantastic, because I try to keep my non-Britty obsessions off the blog, but now when I talk about The Daily Show, as I lurve to do, I don't have to focus quite so much on John Oliver. Not that I don't heart John Oliver, but I was starting to seem a little creepy, no?


2. Speaking of how Aasif Mandvi now qualifies as Anglotastic material, I got to hear him read from what I hope is a forthcoming book at the fabulous and hilarious Moonwork on Saturday. (It's bi-weekly and open-bar. Check it out.) So if you ever get a chance to see Aasif, do it. Then beg him to read his book to you. Don't try to follow him home or anything, though. That would be weird.

Aasif Mandvi and John Oliver put on their quizzical faces.

While we're on the subject of Brits and former Brits in connection with comedy, there has been a crazy kerfuffle Tea-Side in re: how offensive comedy should be. (Apparently a radio personality said that an athlete has a large schnoz. As an American, I can't help thinking, "Really? This is upsetting to you? Why don't you people try Don Imus on for size?")

Anywho, I'm pretty fond of the Telegraph's take on when comedy can be offensive. Other offerings include the Independent's somewhat rambling piece, which charmingly quotes Don Ward as saying that objections to sexist material "are almost considered twee" (fuck you very much); and this depressing poem from Chortle about how rape comedy = not a good idea. (Isn't it fantastic that it's necessary for someone to explain that? In the form of a poem? In the year 2009? Yaaaaay, progress!)

Okay, I know, I'm depressing you. I'm depressing me, too. So let's talk about Miss Jane Austen!

OMG! It's Jane Austen: 21st Century Edition! She LURVES zombies!

I feel better already.

Two things, both courtesy of Austenblog:

1. HOW did I not know about From Prada to Nada (aka Sense and Sensibilidad)? The modern-day Latino spin on Sense and Sensibility is slated for 2011, and Alexa Vega (yeah, that's right—the girl from Spy Kids) is going to be in it, as is Lindsay Lohan's ex Wilmer Valdarrama, whom I always dug as sketchy Fez on That '70s Show. I am intrigued.


2. Our friends over at Quirk Books are publishing a Pride and Prejudice and Zombies prequel. In Dawn of the Dreadfuls, we'll be learning how Lizzie Bennet became "a savage slayer of the undead." So if zombies are your jam, save the date: The book drops March 24, 2010.

Dawn of the Dreadfuls will be a brainy read.

Oh, Jane. You cheer me up every time!

Brits and God; Brits and Sex; Brits and Ghosts! (11/6/09)

It's Friday, everyone, and your friendly neighborhood blogger has lady troubles, so on we dash to the news in brief, after which I am going to make and eat an entire pan of brownies. Delish!

BROWNIES!!!

David Cameron thinks he's American
Why else would a Brit be talking about God and stuff in public? Cameron. Dude. Your constituents are English. You're making them uncomfortable. Calm down.

"Americans love puppies, too, right? Puppies and Jeebus?"

Britty conservatives object to mandatory sex ed
Seriously, is this opposite day? I thought the Brits were supposed to be sensible about these things. Hey, Brits! Here in the US, states with abstinence-only education have really high teen up-the-duff rates, on account of the kiddies don't understand how the duff works or what one must do to get something up it.

Sex ed, southern-style.

But the real story here is that, according to the Times article about mandatory sex ed, the British Schools Secretary is named Ed Balls.

Anglotastic loathes Ricky Gervais
So you guys, I just spent a horrible evening at Carnegie Hall listening to Ricky Gervais tell tasteless jokes about the following things:

• rape


• child molestation


• fat people


• homosexuality

It was offensive, it wasn't funny, and there was no point to it, other than perhaps to illustrate that Ricky Gervais is a dirty old man. For realz, some people actually walked out. FAIL.

I hereby revoke your Union Jack, Ricky Gervais. You're dead to me.

Ghosts tip off Welsh police
True story: Welsh police are using information from ghosts in a murder inquiry. Okay, Wales. That's not weird at all. And believe me: The rest of the world totally takes you seriously.

"I saw everything, Officer. It was terrifying!"

Okay! Now you are own your own for entertainment sources for the weekend, though I can recommend that you hop over to iTunes and download some free eps of the John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman podcast "The Bugle: An Audio Newspaper for a Visual World." It's fantastic.

John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman reporting for duty at "The Bugle."

And now I'm off to have brownies for dinner. Jealous much?

Ballet Shoes, plus a John Oliver refill (10/19/09)

Let's get right to it, chickens, shall we?

First up: Emma Watson is a good actress!

I'm so excited! I've always loved her Hermione from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, but in every movie since, she's seemed less Hermione-like to me, and I was worried that was a result of incompetence. But inSTEAD, it's just that her Hermione is not the one in my head! So it was a relief to like her so, so much when I watched Ballet Shoes last night, because I do hate to think anything negative about anyone associated with my man Harry Potter.



Things I loved about Ballet Shoes:

1. I was sort of expecting it to be terrible, but instead, it was awesome. (What? That totally belongs on the pro list. Everybody loves a nice surprise.)


2. The majority of the characters are kick-ass women with distinct, non-stereotypical personalities.


3. The two retired schoolteachers are fab. Also, they are deffo lesbians, though it's never stated, and no one even blinks an eye about it.


4. Two of the three girls around whom the movie revolves can be pretty bratty. That makes me want to hit them less than when children in movies are vomitously saccharine. (Have I ever mentioned how much I hate stupid David Copperfield and all of his stupid perfect virtue?)


5. Emma Watson's character, Pauline, is an aspiring actress, and it's the 1930s. Result: Cool 1930s acting scenes!


6. Petrova, played by gorgeous Yasmin Paige, wants to be an aviator! Also, Paige apparently plays a recurring character in The Sarah Jane Adventures, a Doctor Who spin-off that I've never heard of but obviously need to watch post-haste.

Yasmin Paige, Lucy Boynton, and Emma Watson in Ballet Shoes.

Of course, there are a few cons, as well.

1. The ending is Very Very Happy, which begs disbelief and weakens the story. And yet...who am I kidding? I kind of loved the obnoxiously happy ending.


2. It may not technically be the best movie ever, and was a bit touch-and-go throughout. But I don't care, and I liked it ever so much anyway.


3. It's based on a book! So, yay, I can read it now! Not having read Noel Streatfeild's books (apparently there is a Shoes series - Tennis Shoes! Skating Shoes! Party Shoes!), I could not be offended by the adaptation. Ergo, this is a "con-yet-to-come." Because just you wait until I've read the book. Then I'll be all, "That scene should have happened later! This character was missing completely! Hermione is supposed to have bushy hair!"...oh, heh heh. Oops. Wrong book.

And now, the return of John Oliver!

I got to see Oliver at The Daily Show two weeks ago, and last week, I followed that up by seeing his live stand-up show with my roommate down at 92Y Tribeca! For wicked cheap! In the third row!

This is not a picture of John Oliver from when I saw him last week. But it IS a picture of John Oliver.

Vital John Oliver information:

1. His stand-up is hilarious. And he does not rely on the toilet- and frat-boy humor that so many dude comedians do. [8 points]


2. He is not amused by taxation without representation. He has been here for three years, damn it, and if we do not let him vote, he is going to dump Diet Pepsi into Boston Harbor and see how we like it. [6 points for empathizing with the Patriots; -4 points for thinking Diet Pepsi is Americans' drink of choice. Team Coca-Cola!!!]


3. He pronounces "Git 'er done!" as "Get her done," complete with crisp enunciation. [8 points for being Extremely English]


4. You know the BBC America subtitle campaign? The one with bits like "The following program contains accents you would have heard a lot more if you hadn't thrown our tea into Boston Harbor"? He WROTE that! It's my favorite ad of all time! [10 points]


5. The Suicide Girls interview with John Oliver from which I culled the above tidbit is most excellent. [4 points]


6. He has a little bit of a man belly. It's kind of adorbs. [4 points]


Total: 36 points (I'm not sure what these points have earned you, John Oliver, but feel free to contact me if you would like to redeem them. I may not be able to arrange citizenship, but I could perhaps offer you a Diet Pepsi?)

This is also a picture of John Oliver. Awww, dimples!

Moving on to News in Brief:

• Pink Stinks is a wicked awesome UK campaign promoting real role models for girls and shunning the "culture of pink" that locks boys and girls into predetermined gender roles. Holla. (Hat tip to The F-Word. Also, disclaimer: I totally lurve pink. Not as much as purple, though.)


• Check out Bristol artist Richard Box, whose field of fluorescent tubes powered by the power lines overhead is beautiful and trippy.


• The HP Alliance, which furthers Dumbledore's message of fighting evil and being awesome and magical, is throwing a Wrock 4 Equality concert featuring Harry and the Potters and Draco and the Malfoys in Portland, Maine, this Saturday, October 24. You can join in the fun via the Wrock 4 Equality livestream at 10:30 a.m. (Hey. Equality for the LGBT community is worth rolling your lazy arse out of bed early on a Saturday and clicking a button on your computer.)

And...my work here is done. Run along now! Pip pip!

Will Neil Gaiman rock the Twitterverse? (10/12/09)

You guys may or may not have gotten the memo, but I went to The Daily Show last week! And John Oliver was there, talking smack about the Dalai Lama, not to mention making my attendance relevant to this blog (because Oliver is English; not because I am a devoted Dalai Lama smack-talker).

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Hell No, Dalai
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Tee hee!

I also saw Julie Andrews last week!!! OMG! She was stumping for her new poetry collection, imaginatively titled Julie Andrews' Collection of Poems, Songs, and Lullabies, and she was exactly as I always imagined she would be, which is to say, practically perfect in every way (obvs). And as I refrained from fainting, bursting into tears, or launching into a rousing rendition of "So Long, Farewell," I would say it went quite well. (And here's the plug: The watercolor illustrations in the book are off the chain. Check it out.)

Julie Andrews is awesomesauce.

Hey, here's some Twitterverse news: Neil Gaiman is going to "launch [a] crowd-sourced story on Twitter." And the prehistoric-chic publishing industry collectively reaches for its smelling salts!

On account of he won the 2009 Newbery Medal for The Graveyard Book, not to mention the existence of his extensive backlist, Gaiman is Kind of a Big Deal. (In case you have been living under a rock.)

To paraphrase, The Graveyard Book says, "Death? I'm cool with that."

I just read Graveyard a week or so ago, and in addition to being very, very English (and you know how I love things that are very, very English, Harry Potter!), it's a lovely story about how death isn't that bad, really. And our hero, Bod, has kind of an unassuming badass thing going on, which will be hawt when he gets older.

But the point is, the publishing industry should probs thank Gaiman for being willing to be all brave and go out into the big bad Interweb all by his lonesome to see what there is to see. God knows they're afraid to do it themselves.

Anglotastic Goes to The Daily Show!!! (10/7/09)

DUDES. I'm going to The Daily Show today. I'm telling you here, in the body text, in case you didn't understand it when I told you up above, in the title. And I am WICKED excited.


But—and this will break your Anglophiliac hearts, I know—this means I don't have time to bring you any news today that is NOT related to the fact that I am going to The Daily Show. Which, in case I haven't mentioned it, I AM.

(Unless you are in any way in charge of or associated with my education. In which case none of this is true. And I will NOT be late to class tonight. If I am, it will be because I had an extremely brief bout of swine flu. Please give me an A.)

And so I leave you with John Oliver repping for the UK in one of my favorite clips ever:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Provinces in Peril
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

This, that, and the other (7/30/09)

Three things you need to know about:

1) Cross-Atlantic civil rights FAIL.
I'll admit it: I felt a smidgen of relief when I saw that the UK's mother branch of the Episcopalian church was mad at the US branch (or part of it) for supporting civil unions/gay marriages (rather than the other way around, as I would have expected). Whew! I thought. At last, the US has the moral upper hand on gay rights over someone in Europe!

Right. So...pride goeth before a fall, doesn't it? This week, I saw that the British military has a non-Neanderthalic position on gays in the military. Basically, their position is: Do ask. Do tell. Now let's go kick some ass.

Probably NOT what's it's like to be gay in the military.

Meanwhile, gay American soldiers WHO KNOW ARABIC keep getting thrown out of the Army of One on account of no one here seems to remember that the Spartan militia were a bunch of flaming badasses. Exhibit A: Dan Choi.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Dan Choi Is Gay
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

2) British GQ best men's mag ever?
I'm totally digging British GQ! It costs about one million US dollars, but it is jam-packed with lots of clever information (and tipped me off about both the ejaculating cake and the Invisibility Cloak). It is a magazine for magazine-lovers. And also language- and information- and cool design–lovers.

Simon Pegg goes Trekkie in British GQ. Oh, yes.

Also, fun culture twist:

• Ladies with bared nipples: 3 (one of whom was basically a bikini-bottom–wearing centerfold)


• Curse words: censored...because Brits don't want to f**k with using words like c**k in their magazines?

Honestly, I think I've probably seen the word "fuck" in Foreign Policy. No nipples, though.

And if you're interested in one Londoner's sex-and-dating escapades, check Jezebel's diary over at the GQ site. It's written with conversative usage of the personal pronoun, making it sound very urgent and diary-like, much like our girl Bridget Jones's diary is.

3) My Mac's thesaurus is devilishly old-fashioned.
Check this list of synonyms for the word "extremely." It's very 1850s. On both sides of the pond. (Click on the image for a full-size view!)